“Al & Bill’s DNA”
a plausible fiction by Bruce Haase – library member
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Twin brothers are not totally the same, sometimes they can even be different looking. Not only that, but their personalities can be very different too. Take Al & Bill for example…
At the big family Thanksgiving gathering last year, Al was once again pontificating about how proud he was to be 100% of Austrian / German decent. He believed that his genetic background made him naturally a bit better than most. His twin brother Bill, and the rest of the family poo-pooed that entire idea. Alice, a relative by marriage asked, “How do you know what you are? Have you had a DNA test done?”
That remark led to Al & Bill getting their DNA tested at different labs. At the family gathering, on St. Patrick’s day weekend, the results were opened and announced to all.
Surprisingly the two labs gave almost identical results. It turned out the twins were only about 46% Austrian/German, they were around 48% French, Polish, English, Italian, Balkan, Palestinian, Mediterranean North African and Spanish. The rest was Scandinavian and Mongolian, and other, with even 0.4% Neanderthal mixed in.
Bill was thrilled to be such a mixture and was telling everyone present little stories he quickly made up, about how centuries before these various genes became mixed into the stew that had became the Bill of today. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone he knew that he was only 0.4% Neanderthal, and 1.8% of his blood came from a powerful Viking Warrior King who had spread his seed for a thousand miles into hundreds of villages on the banks of central and eastern European rivers. Bill regaled the diners with an impromptu Viking War Dance. He looked like a fool, hooting and hollering, hopping around with gravy and mustard all over his laughing face. Shouting about Swedish Meatballs, Volvos, Saabs, and skijumping, which was all the Scandinavian that he knew.
Al, on the other hand, was quiet and withdrawn. When he finally spoke, he complained that this whole DNA testing thing was a scam, and scientists were a bunch of BS-ing con men that will make up anything to make a buck. He was furious to have been accused of having any blood in him that came from Mongolia or Palestine or Northern Africa… He opened his shirt and ordered everyone to look at his white and pure skin. Al defied anyone to see a speck of non-Austrian/German coloring there. He yelled at Bill, “What is wrong with you? You’re proud to be the offspring of Viking Rapists and murdering Mongol Hoards? You must have lost your mind!”
Al’s wife Debbie, told the gathering, “Oh just ignore Al, his Neanderthal side is taking control today.”
The table cracked up with that, even Al had to laugh.
It’s remarkable how different twins can be, even though, Al & Bill are twins, they’re not identical twins.
Write Your Story @ Union City Library
Join our library group, headed by Bruce Hasse, for an informal gathering of aspiring writers of all types of genres. Your writing can be memoirs, creative non-fiction, poetry, song lyrics, science fiction, plays,essays, you name it! We just want to hear what you have written and support each other as we grow as writers.
Third Tuesday of the Month: August 15, September 19 , and October 17 1 p.m. — 3 p.m.